It has been forever since my last post. And while there are many reasons, there aren't any excuses. You see I love writing and while I still journal consistently, there is something even more theraputic about reveleaing my inner thoughts to the world, even if only my Mum and best friend read them. Its about saying, I feel this way and I accept it, I can talk about it and I can embrace it. Plus, I can type much faster than I can write, which helps when my brain moves a million miles per hour. I have been thinking recently about how people talk about the trap of social of social media and how esaily people fall into comparing their life to the lives of others, who seem to have it all, when the case is that people only share when they're feeling great or something exciting is happening. I think this is improving as awareness does and social media members try to be more honest about the ups and downs they experience in their lives. Ramble ramble, long story short, that is what I am doing. My instagram is currently filled with gorgeous shots from all over the world and inpsirational quotes as I live and work abroad. However, I wanted to outline the realities of how I am finding my adventure. It is pretty great but also pretty crap. At the moment I am feeling quite low. Its overcast outside and 12pm. I am sitting on the couch in my dressing-gown for the fourth consecutive hour. I have spent all of this time trawling the internet for inspring articles, buddhist retreats and meditation classes in my local area. One of the last articles I wrote was about my morning routine and I envy it now. It currently sits at post transformational journey and I feel shitty because of that. My hair is unwashed and I ate a vegemite grilled cheese for breakfast. I feel sad. I miss Australian sunlight, warmth, customer service and being barefoot. I miss my family and friends and most of all, my dog. So I just go home? Yeah nah, I have a full time job teaching the coolest English kids. I get regualr holidays where I can travel the world with a like-minded, party-free, organised friend. I have a half British, half Aussie family that dotes upon us and a really awesome house. Plus, I still have so many countries to tick off my bucket list. I am in a stale-mate of not wanting to go home while I miss Australia and its customs like no end. What the hell do I do? My heart and my head fight a constant battle, trying to work out what it is exactly that I want.
But I know what I want! Do you? YES! Kind of. Maybe. I don't know. No.
I have whiplash.
I do know that 80% of the reason I feel this way is because I have let my self-care slip and that I'm not looking after myself spiritualy, nutritionally or physcially (exercise). I feel drained and bleh. The other 20% comes down to family stuff and sunlight. And so I do what every person who is conciously riding the waves of life does, I begin again. I hide all social media apps on my phone. I make myself meditate every day. I sign up for a 6 week running program with my colleagues (in a UK January?!). I write letters to my spiritual buddies. I write in my journal, again and again and again. I write blog posts. I read. I pray. I trust.
But I know what I want! Do you? YES! Kind of. Maybe. I don't know. No.
I have whiplash.
I do know that 80% of the reason I feel this way is because I have let my self-care slip and that I'm not looking after myself spiritualy, nutritionally or physcially (exercise). I feel drained and bleh. The other 20% comes down to family stuff and sunlight. And so I do what every person who is conciously riding the waves of life does, I begin again. I hide all social media apps on my phone. I make myself meditate every day. I sign up for a 6 week running program with my colleagues (in a UK January?!). I write letters to my spiritual buddies. I write in my journal, again and again and again. I write blog posts. I read. I pray. I trust.