Classically, my best ideas always come to me when I'm totally blissed out. Today's example comes to you from under the shade of a coolembah tree, or to be technically correct an apricot tree. I am away for the weekend on my aunt and uncle's farm. I can hear my dad clunking away on the bulldozer and my Mum is heading back inside after coming out to tell me how spoiled i am, which she is 100% correct about at the moment. Need evidence, see attached photo of my position right now, sitting in a gorgeous rocking chair that my aunt brought out, along with a foot rest and her trusty sidekick Bow. The sun is starting to set and the sky is that perfect light blue with misty clouds, providing the ideal afternoon shade. The day is so warm and the breeze is sweet and cool, kissing the hairs on my arms. My escaped curls are gently tickling my nose, and life is pretty darn sweet right now. So anyway, here i am thinking about an observation I made yesterday, and like the nifty writer I am, borrowed my aunt's iPad, scored a chair and companion (hi Bow) plonked myself down to jot this stuff down.
This is my first time visiting my uncle's farm. It's gorgeous and being on the land always packs an almight punch for me. The draw is like something I cannot explain. My mind quietens and my soul softens and it is as though I have only just remembered how to breathe. That was all well and good. I soaked it all up. Meanwhile though, my cousin was getting excited about the idea of a small bonfire, and about picking up sticks. She had her work boots and boyfriend and was so happy I'm sure she was spawning fairies. You know who wasn't sharing her enthusiasm though? Me. Bonfires? Meh. I've had about a million and a half and really, and they're not so awesome. You're generally too hot or too cold. And don't get my started on the smokey stench that gets stuck in your hair, clothes and possibly soul. And stick picking? You've got to be kidding me. I spent half my adolescence on my farm picking up rocks and sticks. I wasn't likely to do it for fun. And for a little bit i felt superior, like i was a proper adult and she a little kid, excited over something silly. I felt uncomfortable with this power trip, but mostly just meh and and kept it all blasé because i was totes cool with all my farming experience. Literally less than 30 mins later i hitched a ride with her from the shed to the house. I stood on the sidesteps of the car and held the roof racks while the hair whipped around my face. Childlike glee wrapped me in a golden bubble. Afterwards I sat thinking about my two conflicting experiences and how they so clearly define people. Sure they seem to at first be split into two different people, kids and adults. But really, it's happy people and bitter people. Kids are happy because they don't care about perceptions or about appearing cool. They just care about having fun. Why does that mean that as adults we don't get to make that choice? And I'm not really talking about me choosing to not enjoy bonfires and stick picking, because I still don't. I'm talking about the choice to think that being excited about something isn't cool, normal or acceptable. Like to be happy we have to be bitter and pretentious. To look down on others because they have less experience than you with something. As soon as we do that we shift our focus away from love and into fear. How is that fear? Easy, it's fear because I am "afraid' of how I am perceived by others off appearance and other materialistic and seemingly irrelevant factors. When I began to truly understand this I could make a conscientious choice to move back into love and look at it differently. Sure, I still wasn't keen on most of the stuff, but that doesn't make me cool. It doesn't make me uncool either. It makes me nothing, nothing at all. Because it's all in my head, in your head too. Most things are as a matter of fact. And so for the rest of the afternoon when my ego reared its head, I chose love. I chose to be grateful to give my cousin her first truck experience and for the opportunity to hear my parents laughing with their friends at our bonfire while we played charades. I chose to get the most out of an experience I might not have chosen, because it was still an experience, and when I chose love a tremendously happy one. This isn't something I normally have an issue with, but my ego has reared its head at it and I'm so grateful that I have attained some clarity over the matter. It's not normally the me having fun part. Generally if I want to do something awesome I do it without fear of what other people think of me. So i think that that was the main reason for this lesson, to let go of cool. And you know what, today, my smile was extra big as I sat in the boot while my uncle drove me around, grateful for all.
This is my first time visiting my uncle's farm. It's gorgeous and being on the land always packs an almight punch for me. The draw is like something I cannot explain. My mind quietens and my soul softens and it is as though I have only just remembered how to breathe. That was all well and good. I soaked it all up. Meanwhile though, my cousin was getting excited about the idea of a small bonfire, and about picking up sticks. She had her work boots and boyfriend and was so happy I'm sure she was spawning fairies. You know who wasn't sharing her enthusiasm though? Me. Bonfires? Meh. I've had about a million and a half and really, and they're not so awesome. You're generally too hot or too cold. And don't get my started on the smokey stench that gets stuck in your hair, clothes and possibly soul. And stick picking? You've got to be kidding me. I spent half my adolescence on my farm picking up rocks and sticks. I wasn't likely to do it for fun. And for a little bit i felt superior, like i was a proper adult and she a little kid, excited over something silly. I felt uncomfortable with this power trip, but mostly just meh and and kept it all blasé because i was totes cool with all my farming experience. Literally less than 30 mins later i hitched a ride with her from the shed to the house. I stood on the sidesteps of the car and held the roof racks while the hair whipped around my face. Childlike glee wrapped me in a golden bubble. Afterwards I sat thinking about my two conflicting experiences and how they so clearly define people. Sure they seem to at first be split into two different people, kids and adults. But really, it's happy people and bitter people. Kids are happy because they don't care about perceptions or about appearing cool. They just care about having fun. Why does that mean that as adults we don't get to make that choice? And I'm not really talking about me choosing to not enjoy bonfires and stick picking, because I still don't. I'm talking about the choice to think that being excited about something isn't cool, normal or acceptable. Like to be happy we have to be bitter and pretentious. To look down on others because they have less experience than you with something. As soon as we do that we shift our focus away from love and into fear. How is that fear? Easy, it's fear because I am "afraid' of how I am perceived by others off appearance and other materialistic and seemingly irrelevant factors. When I began to truly understand this I could make a conscientious choice to move back into love and look at it differently. Sure, I still wasn't keen on most of the stuff, but that doesn't make me cool. It doesn't make me uncool either. It makes me nothing, nothing at all. Because it's all in my head, in your head too. Most things are as a matter of fact. And so for the rest of the afternoon when my ego reared its head, I chose love. I chose to be grateful to give my cousin her first truck experience and for the opportunity to hear my parents laughing with their friends at our bonfire while we played charades. I chose to get the most out of an experience I might not have chosen, because it was still an experience, and when I chose love a tremendously happy one. This isn't something I normally have an issue with, but my ego has reared its head at it and I'm so grateful that I have attained some clarity over the matter. It's not normally the me having fun part. Generally if I want to do something awesome I do it without fear of what other people think of me. So i think that that was the main reason for this lesson, to let go of cool. And you know what, today, my smile was extra big as I sat in the boot while my uncle drove me around, grateful for all.